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Drywall and Paint
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Drywall and Paint |
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Felix Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 78USA 
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Drywall and Paint think of all the stories walls could tell if they could talk of maddening love discovered at last of happy families growing up of sad families growing apart beautiful music funny movies walls hold paintings of priceless value theyve watched the hands of O'Keeffe Van Gogh Michealangelo theyve been blasted by war watched a mother hold her dying child or give life anew walls have seen all those things we cannot or dont want to Did you ever read about a frog who dreamed of being a king, and then became one? - Neil Diamond |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Felix: I like your title and your idea but I think both outshined the delivery. I think you could be more descriptive in describing the music, the happy times, the funny movies, perhaps throw in some bad times, describe the paintings and then, just as a suggestion, draw more attention to the irony that the "witnesses" of all of these events are were incapable of seeing what transpired in the first place. Just a few suggestions. Again, I liked the idea. I just think it could be fleshed out a bit more. Thanks for the read. Jim |
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Mendy Junior Member
since 2000-11-11
Posts 34 |
I'm not much of a critic but I too think it's an Idea that can be carried on there are many other things walls do physical walls, mental walls and so many things they see. I have found that describing the most ordinary things can explode into creativity. Keep on if it is true that the world talks toomuch then let us all keep quiet and hear the eloquence of silence - Richard Ntiru |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
Hi Felix, I agree that the poem seemed simple, but I found it an enjoyable read nonetheless. The title alone really caught my attention, as I'd never seen the word "drywall" in a poem and I wanted to see what you meant by it. Did you intend it to be simple? If you did - I just guessing here - but it seems to fit. I mean, we see the world in a simple way, from our own limited perspectives, whereas walls can see so much more, so we can only guess at what they'd see. Ashley |
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Felix Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 78USA |
My original intent for this poem was to make it simple so that it got the reader thinking for themselves...but...when I was finished with the last line I reread the whole thing a felt it wasn't portraying the orignal emotion/intent I started out with. I am still working on it and hopefully will edit it soon. My normal style of writing is to portray as much as possible in the fewest words possible...so I have a hard time adding more words...I'm working on it!! Thank you for your opinions...in a whole semester of poetry writing I couldn't get one true opinion from anybody...not even the prof. I like constructive criticism...it's hard to find people who give it truthfully....thanks again. Did you ever read about a frog who dreamed of being a king, and then became one? - Neil Diamond |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Felix: Don't confuse detail with wordiness. I think your "style" that you mention is the write approach ... you want your poetry to be concise. This doesn't mean a poem must be short, but, rather, that every word should count. For example, rather than say, "watched the hands of Van Gogh ...", perhaps you could say something along the line of "watch Van Gogh's sunflowers grow." This, in my opinion, is a sharper image (for someone familiar with Van Gogh's work) and it really doesn't take much more space from the page. Just a suggestion. Thanks for posting. Jim |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Felix, I agree with everyone that this is a great idea and also that it could and should be elaborated upon. But hey, you've got the hard part licked-- the idea.  J.L.H. Jason God is a warm whisper from the cool void. Jack Kerouac |
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Raj_Yura Junior Member
since 2001-01-08
Posts 13 |
Hi ! Felix Your poem has evoked some feeling in me as far the wall as witness to history is concerned. It has given me a new idea for a poem. Thanks !. Your idea is good . i liked it but i think u finshed it to soon |
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