To Turn Back The Clock - pipTalk Forums

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DucksCanFly
Junior Member

since 2006-12-20

Posts 20

0 posted 2006-12-23 11:07 AM

The pain, the hurt,
It’s all that I feel,
I want this over and no longer be real,
I don’t know how,
To solve this problem within,
It’s something quite frightening,
And completely locked in,
I struggle, I strive, to find the key,
To find that solution, to help and relieve,
But no matter how hard I try to see,
I can never find my way nor can I never be free.

I sit alone,
Looking up at the starry night sky,
Wishing I were there; flying up high,
But instead I am here,
Down on the ground,
With nothing but tears that can’t make any sound.
Why is it that I must feel this way?
Why can’t I choose what happened that day?
To be rid of that memory,
To just turn back the clock,
For that door to be shut and never unlocked.

Tee
Junior Member

since 2006-12-20

Posts 26
Belgium

1 posted 2006-12-27 12:38 PM

Realy well written

Expressed your emotions well and the poem flows perfectly.

Best wishes for 2007

Hope to read some more wonderfull poems of you

I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.

rhia_5779
Senior Member

since 2006-06-09

Posts 1334
California

2 posted 2006-12-27 03:46 PM

WElcome to Pip to all of the new people. God, there are so many since I have been here last.
( )=delete
[ ] = add
? ? means not sure but it could be a possibility

pain [and] (the) hurt,
It’s all (that) I feel,
(I)[Just] want this over and ?(no longer?) ?{illusion of }?? (be) real,
I don’t know how
to solve (this)[my] problem within.
Something quite frightening
and completely locked in,
I struggle [and] strive to find a key,
To find the solution, to help and [?end my grief]? (?relieve)?
(But no matter) [Despite] how hard I try to see,
I (can) never find my way nor can I (n)ever be free.

I sit alone.
Looking up at the starry (night) sky.
* you don't need night, if its starry its gotta be night.

Wishing I (were)[am] there; flying up high,
but instead [here I am]
(Down) on the ground,
With nothing but tears that don't make any sound.
Why is it that I (must) feel this way?
Why I can’t choose what happened that day?
To be rid of that memory,
to just turn back the clock.
For that door to be shut and never unlocked.

Try a bit more imagery too.

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