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runaway
| Open Poetry #42 |
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runaway |
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jmjovies Junior Member
since 2008-05-03
Posts 32florida |
i ran away from home and lived on top of the shed with the ladder pulled up behind me. i made stone tools with friction that i never used and i ate cheese cut into cubes until they ran out. i was covered in bugs and their bites that night. and around 2 am i climbed back inside through the kitchen window. much later my mom told me that my stealthy crash into the breakfast table was a lullaby. |
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| © Copyright 2008 Jillian - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Yo Jmjovies, The non-capitalization of your first person singular pronoun takes away from this cute poem. I'd also suggest spelling out "2". Bobby |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
"2 am i climbed back inside through the kitchen window. much later my mom told me that my stealthy crash into the breakfast table was a lullaby." ~ I understand this! Your return ~ however noisy ~ was music to your mother's ears!  A precious write! Giving you a warm, welcoming pip hug, Earth Angel  |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
cute poem. Ida |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Very good! Every mother will nod in agreement! love Margherita |
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AAB Member
since 2008-04-10
Posts 99Canada |
The lack of capatitles makes it sound child like which i think adds to the poem. Well done  "Death cannot stop true love, all it can do is delay it for a while" The Princess Bride |
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