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Dark Poetry #5
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Determination
| Dark Poetry #5 |
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Determination |
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SlowlyFallAway Member
since 2008-08-29
Posts 279North Carolina |
Picture laced with black and white Dark brown hair and covered eyes Hoodie on, emotion gone Solid ground not stood upon Rushing water down below Scars so pale from long ago Contemplation sets in thick Smoking his last cigarette Failure marked where he's not been Places that he never went The wind blows strong through clouded skies Though he breathes, he's not alive Daddy beat his Mom to death Brother's dead from too much meth Friends come rare, he's too intense Silence is his best defense Picture laced with black and white Dark brown hair and covered eyes He turns away to make it through If he can do it, why can't you? February 27th 2009 Friday Emily Shives |
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| © Copyright 2009 Emily Shives - All Rights Reserved | |||
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kindredspirit Member
since 2009-05-19
Posts 156 |
This is extremely powerful, and fefinitely one of my favorites. Your poetry inspires me, as I'm sure it inspires many others. |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Wow! At first I thought you were not being intense enough by throwing in too much of a rhyming structure (I hate rhymes when they're used in poetry that's about raw experience with the real world). But this time is an exception. You've used the rhymes to create a good presentation of how awful this guy's life is, leading me up to the punch line: OOF! "There's one in the jewels. Now suck it up princess!" As you can probably tell, I'm adding this poem to my library. Life's short. Think hard! |
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