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Nicole
Senior Member

since 1999-06-23

Posts 1835
Florida

0 posted 2011-11-30 09:55 PM

i will not cry into the night,
alone and bereft
a dust-filled pocket of empty wishes.
out there, past the sea waves
pushing sand into my throat and heart
is the bell voice, and midnight charm;
and here are my feet, heavy as stone
anchored in the mud and reeds.
the moon is laughing, with a full, white belly
laughing and holding my heart
a silver charm on her collarbone.
and now the stars are diamonds,
splintered and twinkling;
the wind licks at my cheeks and it
is all one blur; a make-up sponge
smeared across the sky
a milky cataract.
the moon is laughing, and there is
no glory in this descent.

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

1 posted 2011-11-30 10:05 PM

Loved this piece of melodrama. You gave the moon and her attendants, (stars) a nice setting and when the wind caressed your face I almost felt it sitting here. Enjoyed!

~*~ If they give you lined paper, write sideways. ~*~

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

2 posted 2011-11-30 10:54 PM

Not unlike a roller coaster ride. Enjoyable.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Nicole
Senior Member

since 1999-06-23

Posts 1835
Florida

3 posted 2011-12-01 07:18 AM

Jerry - Thank you very much

I'm glad you felt her, too.

Larry - Indeed, thank you Sir

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

4 posted 2011-12-01 10:57 AM

I really liked this. I also like the moon laughing metaphor. I have used it in a different way. I will have to keep my eye out for you stuff! (:

-Juju

-"So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thoughts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silent all these Years, Tori Amos

Kethry D
Member

since 2010-04-12

Posts 64
Australia

5 posted 2011-12-01 01:07 PM

there is nothing more satisfying than reading about misery and moonlight, they have a way of enchanting.

A poet must leave traces of his passing not proof.

Rene Char

Nicole
Senior Member

since 1999-06-23

Posts 1835
Florida

6 posted 2011-12-01 04:11 PM

Juju - I would love to read that, thank you for replying

Kethry - Thank you

There is just something about the two that go together, methinks.

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

7 posted 2011-12-02 05:58 AM

Very refined poetic rendering of loneliness.

Margherita

JL
Member Ascendant

since 2004-04-01

Posts 6128
Texas, USA

8 posted 2011-12-02 08:02 AM

An interesting read. A celestial encounter on a personally deep emotional level, ebbing from joy to sadness. I think Larry C said it best.
roller coaster ride of emotion.

Enjoyed your poetry.

JL

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul,and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself.
Maranatha!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

9 posted 2011-12-02 09:19 PM

quote:
out there, past the sea waves
pushing sand into my throat and heart
is the bell voice, and midnight charm;

What a lovely, lovely image and phrase...
it held a lot of meaning for me.

Thank you!

EmmaRose
Senior Member

since 2011-03-02

Posts 1376
Midwest

10 posted 2011-12-03 08:25 AM

The scenery you evoke helps to make this poem special

Just_little_Old_Me
Junior Member

since 2011-11-24

Posts 40
Roermond, The Netherlands

11 posted 2011-12-03 09:40 AM

Wow, reading your poem, paints such a vivid picture in my mind... enthralling!

Like Night needs Day
Good needs Evil
I need you to be complete...

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

12 posted 2011-12-03 04:28 PM

quote:
and now the stars are diamonds,
splintered and twinkling;
the wind licks at my cheeks and it
is all one blur; a make-up sponge
smeared across the sky

I sooo relate to that statement, Nicole. You paint exquisitely... your "blurs" a crystal clear depiction dreams lost and hope forfeited simultaneously.

Someone once told me "there's always hope." I'm a believer.

Good to see you posting again, hon.
Michael

Nicole
Senior Member

since 1999-06-23

Posts 1835
Florida

13 posted 2011-12-04 10:35 AM

Margherita

Thank you, I'm still working on the refining part.

JL Yes, indeed - it is definitely a roller coaster; you set out with your best intentions and end up a blubbering mess. Or at least, I do.

Sunshine - Thank YOU, if anything I've written resonates with you, that is high praise.

Emma -

  I am a snapshot writer... sometimes I wish I could expand on that, but thank you very much

Just -Thank you!  I'm glad you saw it.

Michael - Clever... yes, there is always hope.

It's good to be back, it feels like coming home.

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

14 posted 2011-12-04 09:03 PM

the moon is laughing, with a full, white belly
laughing and holding my heart
a silver charm on her collarbone.
and now the stars are diamonds,
splintered and twinkling;
the wind licks at my cheeks and it
is all one blur; a make-up sponge
smeared across the sky
a milky cataract.

Even if I didn't feel the powerful emotion of your work, I'd read it for the vivid images you paint with your pen. The moon may laugh... I simply applaud. *S*

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