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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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something new |
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rich-pa Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317New Orleans, Louisiana |
hmmm, this poem had to be edited slightly for language content, nor have i ever seen anything of this nature on this site, so here it goes Went to the doc to get checked he told me my ears was wrecked "why?" he didn't know but i was near deaf and in the next breath recommended a hearing aid to me how'd this come to be? started racking my memory thinking pondering perusing and musing yet nothing came to me and this was permanent like a project tenant never to hear again properly -maybe i'll hit Jackson Square, buy me some gris gris hopped in my ride, radio on that's when things started to form new ideas began to dawn and i realized what was wrong like a concussion blow i musta heard one of ya'll whacked flows on the radio "freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose..." -janis joplin |
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| © Copyright 2001 rich cooper - All Rights Reserved | |||
Jessica
since 2001-06-28
Posts 350South AL |
I liked your ideas but it sounded more like a rap than anything. But don't get me wrong... I liked it. It's nice to see someone writing "fun" things... A lot of poetry can be dark and dreary.  |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I believe I already gave my interpretation of this one in the corner pub... Just to reiterate, I absolutely love it. I think that the rap flow was intended- not all poetry is in shakespearian English. I think it's great the people experiment with poetry as a form of cummunication rather than a form of sophistication. 'and this was permanent like a project tenant' This line really hits a point home- a double meaning, takes a stab at ghetto hierarchy as well as showing us the permanence of the change in the speaker's perspective. Also has a great flow- the words have a very powerful sound. The only lines that didn't quite work for me were 'that's when things started to form new ideas began to dawn' I think you could come up with more interesting verbs than form and dawn and still keep the reality of the speaker's narration- think of something more original that still keeps with the theme of natural speech patterns; and besides, both phrases are highly over-used. Other than that little nitpick, I think this is great writing. I've only read two of your poems, but both were very vibrant and alive, and they spoke with conviction and passion. I just want to tell you that I really enjoy reading your work. I hope to see more of it. Jessica, on a side note, I think if you actually pay attention to the context of the poem, you'll notice that despite the quick-witted style, it's not necessarily an upbeat happy-go-lucky message. I thought it described a monumental change in opinion by means of inspiration of music, but I guess that's only one interpretation. everything's fine. [This message has been edited by hush (edited 06-28-2001).] |
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Jessica
since 2001-06-28
Posts 350South AL |
Hush... You are right. Now that you pointed that out I went back and read into it more... I see now... But I was referring to the style of writting instead of the message when I said "fun"... That was my fault. I didn't make myself very clear. What don't kill you can only make you stronger... |
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