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born (reply)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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born (reply) |
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Littlewings Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 62 |
The day you were born the earth cried out and stars shown a glassy brilliance and not a soul on earth did mourn on the day that you were born. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Is this a religious poem? I don't think the repetition in the first and last lines work very well. The shorter the piece, the more each word must have its own individual impact. I feel like your teasing me with something much bigger. Why not explore it more? 'And not a soul on earth did mourn' -- is an awfully strong thing to say but I'm never big on hyperbole; I really think it has the opposite effect on the reader; it weakens, not strengthens, what you are trying to say. Just an opinion, Brad |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
I'm going to have to agree with Brad on this one and also say that before the poem even began to draw me in it was over....it had a feeling of incompleteness. If it is religious and about Jesus then maybe elaboration is in order, thanks for the read and take care, Trevor |
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