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garden party
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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garden party |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
all my life i had been living in a garden with soil beneath my nails and yet i didn't recognize it all my friends are tulips they think that i'm a weed but i was a bad seed i hang out with poseys we pull the torns off roses and we make them harmless and the pretty things are helpless and when the weeds do grow they think it's all me in our little garden party they don't see the disease when we're sorching in a drought they drink bottled water and we all tan our petal faces until they burn and wither too sad to ever move tear up our grass roots and break away from the little patch it's the only world we're just wasting our lives so happy to die because we're not periennal ------------------ "Come night, come darkness, for you cannot come too soon or stay too long in such a place as this." Charles Dickens roxane |
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| © Copyright 1999 roxane - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
roxane, from my perspective, this is a very good idea, it is original to me as far as being from a flowers perspective. I think you did a fair job on you format, though you might want to consider looking at the line "with soil beneath my nails" it seems to interrupt the feel of the poem, with the "nails" leading me to think of a human characteristic. Great idea. OOPs, got carried away and forgot to add the constructive part! LOL My suggestion would be to replace nails with a different words...perhaps something like "tendrils?" It might help keep the "feeling" away from any human thoughts [This message has been edited by Christopher (edited 10-03-1999).] |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
This sounds to me more like there is a person here, with dirt under nails, living vicariously in the garden. A lonly person with flowers as friends. It was very clear to me. I enjoyed reading it. But then again, I could be wrong. |
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