* missing you * - pipTalk Forums

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Critical Analysis #1

* missing you *

jjsweets
Junior Member

since 1999-07-18

Posts 18
albion,MI,usa

0 posted 1999-07-21 10:58 PM

I've missed your little
colourful kisses,
They mean so much,
they fullfill all my wishes.

I've missed the gentle,
grace of your hand,
It falls onto me
and caresses like no other can.

I've missed getting lost
in your crystal coloured eyes,
We can have a conversation
and forget the goodbyes.

I've missed the detailed
silohette of your full red lips,
Oh how they touch my soul,
softly refreshing, as the rain drips.

I've missed the ever-so-light
breath from your nose,
The air I feel flow across my neck,
is as beautiful as a rose.

I've missed the pulsating sound
of your hearing your heart,
As i lay on your chest,
I heard a dream begin to start.

I've missed feeling the intensity
of your voice,
Almost always sweet,
and as romantic as a sleek rolls royce.

i've missed you already,
your heart and soul too,
Yet you've only been gone an hour,
what will i write when its become two?

- jh -
- missing you -

------------------
* s.w.e.e.t.s *

elvira
Senior Member

since 1999-07-06

Posts 936
California

1 posted 1999-08-12 07:52 PM

first of all, you are very brave posting in this forum...assuming that you did post here in the hope of receiving honest feedback, i'll try to constructively criticize this poem, keep in mind, it's just well-meant advice and i follow my own guidelines as well (most of the time)

besides reading a poem out loud, i find that counting syllables helps tremendously in creating a smooth flow...i did like that you started each stanza with the repetitive "i've missed" that gets a point of yearning across..."hand" and "can" does not make a rhyme

in conclusion, none of us are perfect, we are all at different levels, i am learning myself (taking a poetry class)...i hope you will continue writing

[This message has been edited by elvira (edited 08-12-99).]

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