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My Love With The Emerald Eyes
| Open Poetry #1 |
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My Love With The Emerald Eyes |
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Emmy Member
since 1999-06-29
Posts 194KY |
No longer lasts this love of mine It's destiny was quite ill My hope shattered, my dreams crushed, this pain I feel still. Oh, my lady witht he chestnut hair and eyes like emeralds shine She broke my heart that fateful day Alas, her love is not mine I approached her on a summer's eve The air was thick and sweet with the scent of blooming flowers growing 'round my lover's feet We walked together up a hill for at the top was "our tree" And we watched the stars come out, the perfect time it be. I turned to look into those eyes of which I had grown so fond They always twinkled as she smiled; an everlasting bond. My throat was dry, my palms were wet as I began to say the way I felt about my love from the very first day I told of the casual times spent together at the lake And of all the cold winter nights with her warmth, my heart she would take And of all the previous strolls that had led us to this spot I swore there never was a time when I had loved her not The charges I felt when she took my hand, or when she looked at me, and all the times we laughed together... so now did she see? But as my words came tumbling out I saw a wrinkle in her brow Did I say something wrong? I thought Should the time not have been now? But not a word escaped her mouth and my heart began to pound Did this love not really exist? Was it one my imagination had found? Then she took my hand and pulled it to her tight and just held on to me like something wasn't right I asked her what the matter was, if I had caused her pain But silence was her answer as her tears began to fall like rain I tried to wipe them from her cheek but she just turned away Was I wrong to even believe that today was the day? She offered no explanation and so there we just stood I was wracking my brain for answers... Should I? Could I? I would So I turned to her again and looked deep into those emerald eyes but it was then she said to me under darkening skies that my love for her was in vain, we were not meant to be She loved me deeply too, but this I could not see If we both felt the same, then why try to fight? we could declare our love near our tree on this very night! But she shook her head at me and on she did plead "Our love would not be right! This pain we will not need!" And so, on that summer's eve, she tried to make ME understand. Her last words to me, "I'm sorry" and then gently dropped my hand She froze for only a moment and then took of down the hill and even long after she had gone I could not move still. The air whose aroma had once been so sweet now burned inside each lung and with every breath I took the pain was so strong it stung. My dream was torn to bits and right there, my life fell apart. Up there on that hill she left the pieces of my heart. And those beautiful emerald eyes I never saw again I tried so hard afterwards for my life to once more begin But my heart and mind were never the same her voice haunted my thoughts Her last words echoed in my head and left me quite disraught. And now I love no more for there is no room in my heart for anyone but that one love, the one who tore it apart. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Emmy - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sundance Member
since 1999-07-11
Posts 123 |
Oh my god! U about had me crying! That wuz really good. I guess your peotry writers block is gone. C ya at the party!  |
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Emmy Member
since 1999-06-29
Posts 194KY |
Aly!!! You're back!!! Did you get my letter? WBS! Thanxs for replying; now that you're back I hope to see more poetry! Yay! And yes, I am over my writer's block. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Emmy, I really loved this poem, my only suggestion would be to smoothen up the flow just a bit by adding a few and subtracting a few words here and there...very easily done without changing a bit of it's meaning. Good work! ------------------ "Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" ~Zelda Fitzgerald |
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Emmy Member
since 1999-06-29
Posts 194KY |
Well hootowl, I know what you mean. I KNEW there was something wrong with this poem when I posted it; it sounded, well, quirky in places, like it wasn't all put together. I'll try to switch things around a bit like you said and see how it turns out. Thanks for constructive critisism, it always helps to know what your audience thinks! I'll post the edited version of this later... |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
I shall look forward to the revised version!! This one was wonderful, though! Ah, a love that was too good to be true..been there, done that. Keep up the great work!  ------------------ *Krista Knutson* "Your kiss upon my face feels like a brush with grace, baby thats all it takes to take me higher..." SHeDaisy |
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