Ode to Mr. Fox" (Constructive criticism welcome!)

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Die Lustig Kuh
New Member

since 2000-02-04

Posts 7

0 posted 2000-03-14 11:52 AM

Ode to Mr. Fox

I.  Ross:  the boy with no pants

He is a penguin,
I am an oreo.
So in love:
-Both black and white.
Soft and squishy,
Hard and crunchy.
Commonalities have an end.
Polar bears eat with milk.

II.  Jon: the boy with no brain

He is a marshmallow,
I am a snowflake.
So in love:
-Both white and crystal.
Fluffy and large,
Tiny and poofy.
Commonalities have no limit.
Dogs like yellow icees.

III.  Nick:  the boy with no heart

He is a beach ball,
I am a rainbow.
So in love:
-Both loud and cheery.
Fun and bouncy,
Bright and high.
Commonalties exist, but distance persists.
Seals steal the gold.

IV.  Tay:  the boy with no taste

He is a diamond,
I am a pebble.
So in love:
-Both hard and painful.
Shiny and showy,
Plain and worthless.
Commonalities are none.
Engagements of apples are rare.

V.  Alex:  the boy with glittering eyes

He is a shoe,
I am a foot.
So in love:
-Both go ‘hand in hand’.
Hard and protecting,
Weak and vulnerable.
Commonalities are few.
Still, toes need sanctuary from snow.

"It's getting colder, in this ditch where I lie. I'm feeling older, and I'm wondering why."

angel6917
Member

since 2000-01-14

Posts 478
WI

1 posted 2000-03-14 01:35 PM

Duh, what? Sorry, I sorta understood but sorta didn't- no offense to you, but I'm just that way. I liked the way you put things together and all. I'd like to see more from you in the future, too. And Welcome to Passions...
~Kristi Lynn

Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

2 posted 2000-03-14 01:45 PM

Hello. *S*. It is difficult to critique something that is free verse and so abstract. I think you did a wonderful job in this and it does make one think. I love the final comparison and think you did a wonderful job wrapping this up. Over all a delightful read.

Danny Holloway
Member Elite

since 2000-01-15

Posts 2034
Tulsa, OK

3 posted 2000-03-14 03:26 PM

I feel pretty much the same as Marilyn here.
Interesting structure.
Welcome to Passions.

Ashiraladoni
Member

since 2000-03-08

Posts 52
Duluth, MN, USA

4 posted 2000-03-14 10:57 PM

I understand this! Great poem, very funny.

) Keep up the good work! And Welcome to Passions!
~Ashiraladoni

" To be free, or to be enslaved, that is the question."

dazed
Member

since 2000-03-13

Posts 119
USA

5 posted 2000-03-15 03:19 AM

OK
I might be an idiot for not getting this poem but i dont!!
You have the right idea but it is really confusing to me anyway.../
Dana

4eva_at_heart
Member

since 2000-02-12

Posts 238

6 posted 2000-03-15 05:32 AM

right............
i'm feeling kinda 'inadequate' as a critic here!lol
that went a few billion miles over my head

but i liked the wording

i would really appreciate it if you could post a reply explaining the poem?

Bec

Penelope
Junior Member

since 2000-01-26

Posts 31

7 posted 2000-03-17 10:08 PM

Hello!

I'd like to take a crack at the meaning(s) behind the poem… I'll post what I think you're trying to say in parenthesis after the line that I'm commenting on.

Let me know how I do

Ode to Mr. Fox
(After reading all the way through, I can only figure that maybe this is the guy who you're currently having a good relationship with?)

I.  Ross:  the boy with no pants
(You knew a guy who… didn't like wearing pants?-- or maybe he was a guy who was only in a relationship for the physical aspects...?)

He is a penguin,
(Erm…  he was cold-hearted)
I am an oreo.
(You're too sweet for him)
So in love:
-Both black and white.
(You did have similarities)
Soft and squishy,
(this is him, the penguin)
Hard and crunchy.
(this is you, the oreo-- these represent the differences)
Commonalities have an end.
(You couldn't get along)
Polar bears eat with milk.
(You lost me… clever though… maybe you felt that he killed your spirit… so he 'devoured' your very self?)

II.  Jon: the boy with no brain
(You knew a guy, and he was an idiot)

He is a marshmallow,
(He was…  um..  sweet)
I am a snowflake.
(but you like freedom, like floating snow)
So in love:
-Both white and crystal.
(Similarities represented-- although I never thought of marshmallows as 'crystal')
Fluffy and large,
(this is him, the marshmallow)
Tiny and poofy.
(this is you, the snowflake--  these again represent differences)
Commonalities have no limit.
(You're both a lot alike)
Dogs like yellow icees.
(Yeah…  me too…  yum… so uh… you're still friends, maybe?)

III.  Nick:  the boy with no heart

He is a beach ball,
(He's bouncy… bounces in and out of relationships maybe?)
I am a rainbow.
(You're a very…  happy person?)
So in love:
-Both loud and cheery.
(Similarities represented again…)
Fun and bouncy,
(this is him, the beach ball)
Bright and high.
(this is you, the rainbow--  differences represented here)
Commonalties exist, but distance persists.
(You have some things in common, but the distance between you has kept you from building upon those things)
Seals steal the gold.
(Again, clever… I like these last lines..  Perhaps you feel that he's taken a part of you that cannot be replaced?)

IV.  Tay:  the boy with no taste

He is a diamond,
(He was something special)
I am a pebble.
(You feel dull in his light)
So in love:
-Both hard and painful.
(Similarities are represented, but they aren't positive)
Shiny and showy,
(He's got an ego, perhaps?)
Plain and worthless.
(He made you feel badly about yourself)
Commonalities are none.
(You have nothing in common)
Engagements of apples are rare.
(He and you were just from two different worlds that couldn't get along)

V.  Alex:  the boy with glittering eyes

He is a shoe,
(Um..  he's protective)
I am a foot.
(Hmm… you are strong, but also are in need of protection)
So in love:
-Both go 'hand in hand'.
(you go well together… one needs the other to go on in life)
Hard and protecting,
(this is him, the shoe)
Weak and vulnerable.
(this is you, the foot-- this represents your need for one another in order to be complete)
Commonalities are few.
(You have little in common)
Still, toes need sanctuary from snow.
(but still, you are in need of each-other and make things work)

Sorry I can't give any criticism, it would be hard to do on such a free (and fun) poem.  I did have a lot of fun trying to figure out your meaning- it was a great read.  I hope you post what this poem really means.  The only thing I can figure is that this poem is about your past relationships… and that the Alex guy, the shoe, is the one who's working out for you.  Thanks for sharing this… I look forward to reading more of your work.

-Penny

Salooma
Senior Member

since 2000-01-28

Posts 781

8 posted 2000-03-18 06:26 PM

This si real interesting....definatly!
I didn't understand it, but then read Penny's explaination and it really made sense. Great creative technic. Welcome to Passions!

Salma

"Not all the answers lie within your realm or mine, they lie within the borders."

LyricFetish
Senior Member

since 2000-01-13

Posts 528
North Carolina

9 posted 2000-03-18 11:39 PM

I enjoyed reading your poem, it was sometimes funny, always interesting. I don't understand everything, I'd rather form an opinion after you explain (if you do so) so no criticism from me. Great work, welcome to Passions. Is your member name German? Or what? curious...

*There is no destination where we are
Please take me somewhere far
Far away from this world of mine*
(by me)

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