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Teen Poetry #2

one day

maribel
New Member

since 1999-11-22

Posts 1

0 posted 1999-11-22 01:33 AM

I FELT MY HEAT WAS FULL OF SORROW AND NOTHING WOULD BE LEFT FOR TOMORROW FOR ALL THE PAIN AND SUFURING THAT IVE BEEN THROUGH I KNOW YOU DONT CARE FOR YOU ONLY BROKE MY HEART AND SHATTERED IT IN TWO SO YOU SAY ILL FIND AN OTHER HO DO YOU KNOW I WONT DIE THIS HOUR FOR YOU SEE THIS PAIN I FELL WILL ONE DAY COME BACK AND SHATTER YOU.

Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

1 posted 1999-11-22 10:27 AM

Welcome to Passions.

This read like a prose to me because of the format. I wuld like to give you an idea of how to break this up a little better.

I FELT MY HEAT WAS FULL OF SORROW
AND NOTHING WOULD BE LEFT FOR TOMORROW
FOR ALL THE PAIN AND SUFURING THAT IVE BEEN THROUGH
I KNOW YOU DONT CARE
FOR YOU ONLY BROKE MY HEART
AND SHATTERED IT IN TWO
SO YOU SAY ILL FIND AN OTHER HO
DO YOU KNOW I WONT DIE THIS HOUR
FOR YOU SEE THIS PAIN I FELL
WILL ONE DAY COME BACK AND SHATTER YOU.

All I did with this is copy and paste, then put into lines. There is very vivid pain in these words.

I would also like to point out that this is an interactie board and your replies to others work would be appreciated.

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