»
Main Forums
»
Poetry Workshop
»
the great lake
| Poetry Workshop |
|
the great lake |
|
|
Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium 
|
a pool full with lies h a r v e s t e d with thin ice on top c r a c k i n g under miniscule stress f r a c t u r e d matters of the heart r u p t u r e d hollow of a shell d r o w n i n g into the epicentre of t h i o n n ! g s n s e |
||
| © Copyright 2002 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hey Sudhir, I like the visible thing at the end. At first it seemed a little too much but after reading again, I think it is appropriate. I'm usually not big on visuals but this one does work. Pete |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
With the exception, perhaps, of one typo? Look close...  |
||
|
jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
WOW ... WOW ... WOW ... you wouldn't believe how good this is!!!  Seriously, what is the poem's object (i.e., what is this "pool full with lies")? The subject matter is certainly applicable to human nature on several levels: shallowness, insincerity, outright dishonesty in anything from the day-to-day dealings with people, relationships, or both. I think the poem would read better to me if you were more specific. The title suggests to me that the poem is dealing with a broader problem, but my eyes are looking for something more concrete. I thought the clever visual was good. Jim |
||
|
Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
This is excellent, Sudhir... especially the way you ended it... very dramatic.  ~ hugs and grinsLyra |
||
|
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
This poem could be read as a metaphor for just about any aspect of life... How sad that people are so busy with their distorted values that they neglect to focus on more positive ones. I like your visual - Free verse is nicely conducive to experimenting with creative formatting... Nicely done, Sudhir.. |
||
|
Bridget Shenachie Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056Kansas USA |
Excellent description of the emptiness of disillusionment. Love the visual. Shenachie |
||
|
Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Pete, thanks for the support for the visual 'effect'... Karilea, let me pass a to you, my friendJim, I can't believe you said that!!! Now I am honoured for life  and the objective is just to make you (or anyone who reads) think, and I have been successful, I guessLyra, thanks a lot for your kind appreciation... Nan, dear teach... you are spot on... thanks a lot for the good grades  Shenachie, thanks for your view and for coming by ... regards to all, Sudhir |
||
Krishankins
since 2002-06-23
Posts 972Texas |
I can only say that I agree with all of the others, Sudhir. It is a WONDERFUL piece!!! Hey dog, did you see the size of that chicken!? |
||
|
Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Thanks a lot Kris... regards, Sudhir |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
