Cry for the mockingbird (My first atempt at Tanka)

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Poetry Workshop

Cry for the mockingbird (My first atempt at Tanka)

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

0 posted 2002-10-30 03:54 PM

Mocking birds can not only imitate the birds of today, but they can also imitate extinct birds.

The mockingbird crys
Of the past and the presesnt
What is gone today
And what is gone tomorow
I cry for the mockingbird

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2002-10-30 03:58 PM

An excellent first attempt. My only suggestion would be to run your poems through a spell check...so that misspelled words do not detract from the beauty of the poem, itself. Excellent job!

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

2 posted 2002-10-30 07:52 PM

I didn't know there was a spell check... Now to find it.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

3 posted 2002-10-30 10:09 PM

If you work in Word, you should have an automatic spellcheck. When you post here, up in the upper right hand corner, we have dictionary.com...which is also a helpful tool.

In this instance, these words need to be corrected...

crys - cries

presesnt - present

tomorow - tomorrow

Hope this information helps. I've been enjoying the thoughts you've shared...thanks!

Tammy Blessing
Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 366
PA

4 posted 2002-11-01 09:47 AM

A beautiful tanka with an excellent subject! I really enjoyed this first attempt.
Tammy

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

5 posted 2002-11-01 07:50 PM

I enjoyed this, and agree with Karilea about typo fixes. Does this make me a mockingbird, a repeat-after-me creature?

a good first tanka!

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

6 posted 2002-11-11 06:55 PM

Wind, this is lovely. Here's how your work would look after your spellcheck

quote:

The mockingbird cries
Of the past and the present
What is gone today
And what is gone tomorrow
I cry for the mockingbird

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

7 posted 2002-11-11 08:15 PM

that's better, thanks.

"Sticks and stones will break my bones,
But words will break my heart"

Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member

since 2002-01-23

Posts 1056
Kansas USA

8 posted 2002-11-13 09:51 PM

Wind--

This is so thought-provoking. I really like your subjects. Has anyone told you that you are good at this stuff? (I just did!) Keep 'em coming, please.

Shenachie

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