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Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

0 posted 2001-03-20 12:52 PM

Dear God may I please have an answer?
Am I ever prmitted to know,
Why the one who was still so much needed,
Was the one who was chosen to go?

You know I'd have carried the burden.
You know I'd have given my all;
If I could have but kept my beloved
Until I myself, answered your call.

Was there such a need up in heaven,
That could have been greather than ours?
If so, please give me a sign, Lord.
I've searched and I've searched in your stars.

I don't want to seem so ungrateful,
For the wonderful years that we had.
But what shall I do with this love, Lord;
That is making my days now so sad?

I took the sweet babe that you sent me,
And gave him the best I knew how.
Did I love my child more than I loved you?
Is that what you're telling me now?

If so, Lord, I truly am sorry.
If I had a chance to atone,
I'd praise you each day for my blessing;
The child who is only on loan.

By: Joyce (Written soon after February 22, 1999, upon the death of my beloved only son. He almost reached his 56th birthday, so he had been my blessing for many years, but I just wasn't ready.)

sandgrain
Member Elite

since 1999-09-21

Posts 3662
Sycamore, IL, USA

1 posted 2001-03-20 01:32 PM

Oh, I can't even imagine having to bury one of our own children, yet I marvel at the wisdom you possess in turning to the Lord for answers. Your writing flows so beautifully from the depths of your hearts pain. Your son was very blessed to have you for his mom. Thank you for sharing your sorrow, gratitude and talent with us.
God bless you,
Rae

ellie LeJeune
Member Elite

since 2000-01-10

Posts 4156
King of Prussia, PA USA

2 posted 2001-03-20 06:29 PM

Dear joyce; Oh, how i know your feelings well. My first baby died at three months of severe birth defects. I asked the same questions too. The answer came the same as yours. i do have six healthy children that I am ever thankful for. Love, Ellie

A friend hears the song in my heart, and sings it to me when my memory fails.

Trillium

Member Patricius

since 2001-03-09

Posts 12098
Idaho, USA

3 posted 2001-03-20 07:04 PM

Dear Joyce: I don't know that we ever get answers to questions like this. I remember how I felt when our only grandson was killed by a speeding driver. We only had him for ten years but his memory will always be alive in us. Someday, perhaps all our questions will have answers.

Betty Lou Hebert

WhtDove
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-22

Posts 9245
Illinois

4 posted 2001-03-21 10:59 AM

I really don't know what to say here.
I can only imagine the distress it must cause.

It wasn't necessarily God, but the polluted world we live in. So many diseases and such, and the mistakes of others can cost a life.

One thing I have learned, like from the Oklahoma City Bombing, is that Timothy McVeigh had a choice. It was a dreadful choice, that took many lives, but the GOOD that came from that destruction was of God.

It was all those who came from far to help, it was all those who gathered round to support one another. Things are not always clear to us, but out of tragedy, God will always bring good.

I got this in email today, I hope it will lift your spirits as it has mine.

Father's Love Letter

BloomingRose
Member Elite

since 2000-08-09

Posts 3092
Florida

5 posted 2001-03-22 08:55 PM

Joyce this brings tears. The pain of loseing a child (no matter their age), is a terrible loss.
I hope you have some peace with this now, and I pray God will wrap his loving arms around you to comfort you, when you are sad and miss him so.
Deb

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