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| Critical Analysis #2 |
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gifts |
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Skippyrick Member
since 2006-05-16
Posts 150Rohnert Park |
I had posted this re-write on the origenal post but well I still want to here what you all think. I did not change the first part at all. but did dubbled it in size. I did try to keep the same type of format. If that is what you want to call it. Mmmm: What wroks for you and what does not? Rick GIFTS The sixty plus teddy bears given one by one, live with us. Some rest naked in white fur. one faded gray with age, I replaced a Christmas bear with another new and smaller, sporting a blue tie. sitting in the living room today. I still love you and over the years, These bears they smile we’ve done well done well ten big bags hide button eyes Many remain still unplaced we free them bit by bit, one with mufflers, one wears red a Coca-Cola trademark on ones chest these three polar bears, live on the desk pure white coats echo the past twenty years Mrs. Jingle bear I love the best. She was the first. Well done well done. |
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| © Copyright 2007 Rick Slottow - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
Rick- Yeah this one is a clearer to me in its own vagueness. Couple of things. quote: I get what you are saying about the mufflers, but people may not be culturally literate enough to know that word or the accompaning visual image. The last "well done" comment is not enough of a pay off. Maybe you could repeat the "we've done well' thing from eariler. Tie it up a bit. Liked it though. CS |
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Skippyrick Member
since 2006-05-16
Posts 150Rohnert Park |
You may be write about that. You got me thinking and well this may wrok better pure white coats echo the past twenty years Mrs. Jingle bear I love the best. She was the first. Well done she says well done. I do wonder abuot repeating "she" but then again I repeat othr word more than once. mmmmm thanks Rick |
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