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Critical Analysis #2

automata

oceanvu2
Senior Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA

0 posted 2007-03-02 11:54 PM

Automatic writing
Is rarely exciting.
It takes a bit of discipline
To get folks to listen in.

renathon
Junior Member

since 2002-06-09

Posts 23

1 posted 2007-03-04 02:52 AM

Hey it rhymes. Kudos to you!

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

2 posted 2007-03-04 10:05 PM

Three for three 4 line poems! Give me 12 lines, within the next 5 days. Heh...

Valedictions,

-Paul

Aurelian
Member

since 2007-03-20

Posts 109
TX, USA

3 posted 2007-03-29 08:04 PM

Last line needs one more syllable to make the meter match with one before.

oceanvu2
Senior Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA

4 posted 2007-03-29 08:12 PM

Aurelian: OK. I see things can't be edited after 24 hours, so here is the edited version:

Automatic writing
Is rarely exciting.
It takes a bit of discipline
To get most folks to listen in.

Dead on comment.

Jim

oceanvu2
Senior Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA

5 posted 2007-03-29 08:16 PM

Aurelian: On the other hand, I don't like this as much as the broken meter version. Maybe a bad edit.

Jim

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