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Marmosets
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Marmosets |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Marmosets Marmosets have a brain case same in size As humans were the marmosets scaled up, And yet, they are not captured by plastic Big wheels in their midst, nor do they pander To good taste. They climb, they eat, make waste. Pygmies in the Amazon with thumbnail Soul-cans, integral, the size of man’s when Marmosets scale up, and yet, they do not Worship branches, pray to trees. Incisors Gouge for sap, and, omnivores, shred meat. Skull pans similar in size to night eyes of a cat; scaled up to man, content with Colors needed, brown and green, scent hunters Of the random small incautious lizard. No need to see beyond each day in trees. Twice a year, the marmosets birth twins. One Dies. Their population in decline. Scaled Up to man, given penicillin and A bomb, marmosets would rule, eschew the Niceties and kill us in our bedrooms. They seem to be content to live as pets, These marmosets, biding time until the Breeders and the vets scale them up man-size With God like ingenuity. Species Have times. Beware. Marmosets are out there. [This message has been edited by oceanvu2 (01-06-2008 10:22 PM).] |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
Marmosets are there. The Truth Is Out There Go on Jim make me and Fox Mulder happy and add the missing “out” to the last line - you just need to jiggle the syllables to count to ten.  |
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beautyincalvary Member
since 2006-07-13
Posts 98 |
Haha, clever. I like this. |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
Dear Jim, A wonderful poem. I am still reading it. Have a wonderful evening. |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi Grinch: OK, I jiggled last line. Far from me to diss Fox Muldaur! Glad you saw the ten syllables. This is the first time I've tried to write in a syllabic form. It comes out "light" I think, because I'm just trying something, and fall back into old habits of being only semi-serious. It's a crutch. Obviously, the syllabic form can and has been used to great effect. I will use this some more, and see if I can overcome my inhibitions and try to actually write a poem. Beauty: I am glad you were amused! The poem is my experiment with a form, not heavy, hopefully entertaining. Best, Jim |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
quote: Or a scaffold, and scaffolds are good, seeing them always suggests that some building or construction is going on. You picked a hard syllabic format to try though - repetition of the count in every line - have you considered the easier option of repeating the count across verses? Something like this: 8 7 6 9 8 7 6 9 8 7 6 9 It gives what I like to call a slow-burn effect, when people read it they know there’s a tune to the poem but they can’t quite see where it’s coming from. |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Thank you Grinch! The "crutch" is not the form, it is the impetus to fall back on mild humor when trying something new. I believe I can be amusing almost off-hand. The difficulty for me lies in being "serious." In my last post or two, I've been putting up poems in different forms. I don't know if I have a "style" which is my own any more, though I believe that I did at one time. I don't think anyone can read my posts and say, "Ah, that is a Jim poem." I keep working on it. Maybe it will come around. Best, Jim |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
Jim, I got your meaning of the use of humour as a crutch, it’s a useful trick but why do you think it works? Is humorous poetry given less credit than other types? I wanted to say "should humorous poetry be taken seriously", but I’m not sure if that’s asking and answering the question at the same time. |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi Grinch: RE:I got your meaning of the use of humour as a crutch, it’s a useful trick but why do you think it works?" Humour works for ME on two levels. First, I can do it and it is comfortable. This is the "crutch" part. Second, it is almost always a tune-up excercise for me, and where I go when either warming up or first trying a new form. I post my little four liners in the hope of generating amusement. These "work" because they provoke a reaction. When, as in this post, a certain lightness occurs in a longer form, it is a sign of my tentativeness with the form. I stand by the result, it is more than a keyboard excercise, yet less than going full bore. This type of work also helps keep me in the vernacular mode, the place where I choose to play. RE: "Is humorous poetry given less credit than other types?" Yes, at least at this point in time. Don't know about your side of the pond, but in the 20th century here we've had Dorothy Parker and Ogden Nash. Since then, there has been whom in the US? Calvin Trillen? Trillen can't be taken seriously because he is not funny. With the demise of "general audience" magazines, good light verse has all but disappeared, and of course, the academics both laugh out loud when they come across the odd bit of truly funny, and dismiss it out of hand. I wish to goodness we had a "Punch" on this side of the pond. RE: I wanted to say "should humorous poetry be taken seriously." No. "Serious" poetry should be taken humorously. Only poetry poetry merits seriousness. Best, Jim |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
Jim, That’s odd, you use humour where I use melancholy or love lost poems, I call it whistling, it gives me something to do without too much thought but occasionally I end up with a usable tune. quote: I’ll have to remember that one, very serious comment Jim, very serious. |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
No matter what you say, dear Jim, this is a well calculated poem. A poem with form and with great meaning and is very poetically poetic serious. I do not take it as an entertaining piece. It contains philosophies and it should be made into a film. And I think that it is quite genius to tell such a huge issue in a light hearted, a bit of humerus poem. wow! good! Have a good morning! |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi TomMark: You caught me out! There is a little something behind this poem, a look at genetic manipulation and potential, if taken to the absurd, consequences. It also takes a peek at the nature of "nature." I don't have the background to look at these sorts of things scientifically. I'm just a layman looking at possibilities. Not prognosticating, just musing. It's not a "deep" poem, but I'm glad you liked it. Best, Jim Aitken |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi Grinch: Humour is deadly serious stuff. But it is not the only deadly serious stuff. Jimbeaux |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
Dear Jim, it could be your natural philosophical sense  We were talking about worship and God and human in other forums. And this poem in kind of summery to me... truly. I am not joking. If you have time, give a glance then you will understand why this poem has its significance to me. have a good night, dear sir! |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Jim: I like poems like these because they're, compared to poems we're more invested in, easier to write and give you the chance to experiment with form. I'd encourage you to relax the meter a bit, perhaps throw in a few anapests here and there to pick up the pace, experiment with other varients of iambic verse, and play around more with enjambment. All the while paying attention to that the event the varients have on the reading of the poem. I played around with S1 a little but and this is what I came up with: A marmoset’s brain case scaled up in size Is as large as a human’s, and yet they’re not Captured by plastic big wheels in their midst Or bound to pander for the next good taste – No. They climb, they eat, and they make waste. I read the meter like: a MARM-o-set's BRAIN case scaled UP in SIZE is as LARGE as a HU-man's, and YET they're NOT CAP-tured by PLAS-tic BIG wheels IN their MIDST or BOUND to PAN-der FOR the NEXT good TASTE - NO. they CLIMB, they EAT, and they MAKE WASTE. It might just be me, but I like the lilt of anapests in light-hearted work and setting lines apart by chopping the unaccented syllable from the first foot in a line. And thanks for the warning ... I never realized they were such fearsome creatures! Jim |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi Jim! This is a very interesting comment indeed. The poem was not meant to be in meter, just ten syllables to a line. This helps me understand what Grinch said about the difficulty of writing syllabic lines to the same length. If the ten beat line is going to sound like faulty iambs anyway, I clearly haven't got the syllable thing down -- truly my first try! So, I listen and learn. I read the original first two lines as MARmosets have a BRAIN CASE same in SIZE As HUmans were the MARmosets SCALED UP. This is a non-metrical lay out to me, pretty loose, but structured none the less around a different principle. Interesting stuff, this, and thank you for reading! The other other Jim Best, Jim Aitken |
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