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Critical Analysis #2

Rules For Dreaming

just dreaming
New Member

since 2002-12-03

Posts 8

0 posted 2002-12-03 10:03 AM

Never give up dreaming
for when you do your giving up living

Never stop loving for if you do
you can't be loved back

Never give up hope
it's all we have on earth

Always remember to laugh
it keeps you alive
and if you ever want to cry,
go ahead it might keep you sane

If you ever want to leave this place
think of who has left you
and then all those who have stayed
then reconsider

Don't please others first
some cant be pleased

If your happy
let someone else in on the joy
if your sad let someone else share there joy.

Above all;
love pleanty live well and laugh alot

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

1 posted 2002-12-04 01:14 PM

Hi shannon,

Welcome to CA. It's good to hear another new voice in here.

I realize your poem was titled "Rules..." but to me it should not be written as just a set of rules. You showed some good ideas but I think they would be more effective if you did it with more imagery instead of facts. As the old cliche goes, "Show us. Don't tell us." Also, you could proofread a little better. There are some mistakes that you should catch before presenting for critique. For example, I quickly found your instead of you're and cant instead of can't in just a casual overlook.

Once again, welcome to the forum. And please don't take this negatively. It is meant only to help you and it is also just one opinion.

Check your email for a welcoming message.

Pete

Rainbowdust
Member

since 2002-12-05

Posts 320
Sydney, Australia

2 posted 2002-12-05 10:23 PM

I'm not that much older than you and hardly an authority on the subject hehe.... but I think you've got the beginnings of a great poem there!

Keep it handy and add to it when you see images which match the meaning you're trying to get across and it'll begin to develop of its own accord. Maybe a different title might help too!

I loved this part:

If you ever want to leave this place
think of who has left you
and then all those who have stayed
then reconsider

Keep up the good work!

The soul would have no rainbows, had the eyes no tears.

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