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navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #2 » unknown crying
Critical Analysis #2
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corey14
Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 89
Boston, Mass, U.S.A.
0 posted 2002-04-05 05:42 PM


I dont know why,
but I just do.
Just want to cry,
and I just dont know why.
© Copyright 2002 corey baker - All Rights Reserved
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704
1 posted 2002-04-07 07:57 AM

My crit: you need to do more with this. This doesn't say anything as it is. This is like a brush stroke on a huge white canvas...fill it in...

K

[This message has been edited by Severn (04-09-2002 10:44 PM).]
NapalmsConstantlyConfused
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 529
2 posted 2002-04-09 04:42 AM

that, or turn it into a haiku....
-Dave
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704
3 posted 2002-04-09 10:46 PM

Technically, Haiku's require imagery, so you would still only be left with a poetic skeleton..

K
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navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #2 » unknown crying

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