Bad Dreams - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Critical Analysis #2

Bad Dreams

MsSouthernOrchid
Member

since 2003-07-12

Posts 192

0 posted 2003-08-01 07:25 PM

In my dreams
I see you leaving
night after night.
Repeat performances,
like a bad movie
playing over and over.

I fear the scenes,
relive the pain.
Trembling, shivering
in the darkness,
I pray for morning.
The sun's warmth
will still the fears.

Mary

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

1 posted 2003-08-06 01:05 PM

Hi Mary,

This is a much better attempt at equating the feelings, and showing how the emotions affect you. To go a bit further you could put it something like this:

Once more I take my seat,
watch you leave me again,
night after horrid night....continue from there.

Do you see what I mean about metaphor? Hope I've helped.

Kris

"It is wisdom to know others;
It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu

MsSouthernOrchid
Member

since 2003-07-12

Posts 192

2 posted 2003-08-06 07:45 PM

Hi Kris,
Yes, I do understand and I appreciate the help. I like what you did with it and I see how that greatly helps the poem. Thanks much.
Mary

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.