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Critical Analysis #2

Vision

Magic Solias
Member

since 2003-11-08

Posts 73
California, USA

0 posted 2003-11-19 04:06 PM

VISION

The light
receding day
approaching night

shadow play
dark and bright
the sun
              sometimes
creating moon-light
               shadows

illuminated things
we see and dream

we seek the light

blind images of
deception conquered
her bleak mind
for another occasion
of retraction
tonight

an engine runs
a copter's twirl
above, below
mirages and
                 hallucinations.

hush
Senior Member

since 2001-05-27

Posts 1653
Ohio, USA

1 posted 2003-11-20 02:40 PM

While I like some of your phrasing and wordplay (the first stanza particularly flowed well to me) I can't say I'm sure what this is about. I feel like it's kind of vague and fractured... you seem to be going for a dreamlike feel here, so maybe you intended that. Exactly what are you trying to say here?

Magic Solias
Member

since 2003-11-08

Posts 73
California, USA

2 posted 2003-11-20 03:59 PM

Thank you very much for the reply. You are correct in pointing out that this poem is intended to be dream-like. It's describing the experience of a vision. Visions come close to hallucinations and are often dream-like. They also have to do with illumination. I attempted to combine light with vision. It's a try. Again, I very much appreciate your input.

Magic Solias

"we dream to love and love to dream"

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