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Eloise
Senior Member

since 1999-11-27

Posts 1096
Wyoming

0 posted 2000-02-09 09:32 PM

Here within my hand I hold
A piece of clay for me to mold.
I'll sculpt for you a heart to find.
It will be unique, one of a kind.

This fragile gift I give to you.
Just know my feelings for you are true.
So nurture it and watch it grow.
Hold on tight, don't let it go.

cheryl cook
Junior Member

since 2000-02-07

Posts 12

1 posted 2000-02-09 10:32 PM

Quaint ideas expressed. A very simplistic rhyming scheme, could be well suited to the simple nature of the poem though. I think the strongest line is "fragile gift for you to mold". Try some more diverse patterns perhaps to add interest.

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

2 posted 2000-02-10 01:17 AM

Eloise-
I like your Valentine phrases.
Spoken straight from the heart.
You go girl !
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
[email protected]

wayoutwalt
Member Elite

since 1999-06-22

Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)

3 posted 2000-02-10 01:19 AM

eloise vury nice do not change a thing or ill slap your hand as you only try to click the edit button

Echo Rhayne
Senior Member

since 1999-09-17

Posts 1495
Canyon Country, CA

4 posted 2000-02-10 06:31 PM

Eloise, This is so beautiful! Perfect in every way! I love it!

Did Jesus laugh?
I think He did,
'cause He was once
a little kid;
and all of us
were made with joy
both sugar-spice girl
and snake-snail boy!

Eloise
Senior Member

since 1999-11-27

Posts 1096
Wyoming

5 posted 2000-02-10 08:07 PM

cc, thanks for the suggestion, but it was written simple and I think I'll keep it simple.

Marge, sweetheart as always, thanks for your comments.

Walt, wouldn't even consider touching that edit button now! LOL - thanks.

Echo, a big thanks to you too.

Ohme
Senior Member

since 1999-07-17

Posts 816
Texas

6 posted 2000-02-10 08:23 PM

Eloise,
I love it as it is. My favorite line is also 'a piece of clay for me to mold.'

Eloise
Senior Member

since 1999-11-27

Posts 1096
Wyoming

7 posted 2000-02-10 11:20 PM

Thanks Ohme. I'm glad you liked it.

Wizzard
Member

since 2000-02-09

Posts 209

8 posted 2000-02-10 11:37 PM

Short,Sweet and very well written.
This should be on a Valentine Card.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

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