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Surface Alive
| Open Poetry #6 |
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Surface Alive |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704
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Surface under me the floor walks across my stifled mobility here a ray crosses my face as sunlit-stolen words never leave my mouth perhaps there is a rent to the loudness a step to take but I silence past it my resonance shaking only inside tongue stilled I hide as life times on a-whirl and I unmotioned and undone give in to the freeze a tidy polite piece of damaged mind a move of feet I cannot make so the floor walks beyond me surface alive breathing heavier than I this shadowed shadow of a life |
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| © Copyright 2000 Kamla Mahony - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Wow, Severn... The ultimate in depression is that total immobilization, the numbness that seizes all from you... Your writing is awesome, my friend. Corinne |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Kamla~ Astonishing. Brilliantly Crafted. Deeply Evoking. Fact- Grasping Honesty In Just Kamla's Little Mind. Now On Parade. Quite Resoundly Sent Toward Unifying Victory Within. X-raying Yon Zenith. From the ABC's of it ... I like the way your mind works. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Wow...powerful piece my friend. Well written.  |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Wow! Kamla, this whole piece is astonishing--the floor walks beyond me---I can feel this like a nightmare--this is packed full of your talent for writing feeling. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
.....and the hits keep right on rolling. You're awesome, my pal. |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Soul-Sis, You are an awesome number ya know... this piece is powerful and I love the way you use your words. Excellent! *hugs*What comes from the heart goes to the heart. Samuel Coleridge |
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Raintime New Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 3New York |
Hi Severn. Thank you for the opportunity to read this dense and wonderfully crafted poem. I particularly enjoy the conflict you portray between the 'active' pole of some external influence and the 'passive' (or is that 'acted upon') voice of the poem. I think it is fair to say that your voice will never "... give in / to the freeze ...". I look forward to reading more. R.T |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Lady K I'd like to say I like this, and I willingly concede that, viewed objectively (which is impossible ...lol) it is up to your usual excellence. With an excess of subjectivity however, maybe I would have to say that magnificent lines like: "a tidy polite piece of damaged mind.." were a mite disturbing. You have a unique and sometimes unnerving power in your writing K, and when turned to poems like this it can be quite .... well... bothering ! Take care ..... Sir P (lol ... I hate that... do I HAVE to put up with it???!!) |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
A striking poem...well done |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Just wanted to read this one again Sweet Butterfly,Your writing is superb, your talent for writing is astonishing. had to reply again oh and woohoooo 5 weeks to go yes indeed!  What comes from the heart goes to the heart. Samuel Coleridge |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Intense and powerful, Severn. Excellent writing, as usual! Denise |
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Diana B Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97 |
powerful and haunting piece of work...the structure of the poem also increases the intensity. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Corinne - my friend. Yes - I guess so. Luckily this is not a permanent state for me, but I would hate to live with this on a day to day basis. thanks. Marge(y) - that you would incorporate me into a whole alphabet is just so cool! Thankyou again - for yet another privilege you have given me. (And it is entirely mutual, wonderful minded person) Marilyn - thankyou! Martie - thanks hon...you know your work does that to me too - shows me all of your feeling. 'deer - and thanks for the blush...  Soul sis - hugs and thankyous (for your support too) RT - you know, you have written that almost like you know me, thanks. Sir P (yes - continue to suffer.... So, my friend, disturbing huh? Well...lets see...hmmm - I am just thrilled at the compliment of 'unnerving power' - that is really amazing. And actually - the whole disturbing thing is not distressing for me, for I like to capture a range of emotions and intents when I write - and as this is a distressed poem I obviously succeeded! Yay!Ruth - thanks my friend. Maree - wahoo indeed!!!! Thanks hon - your faith in me helps you know... Denise - why thankyou...that is so nice of you to say. Diana - thanks. I appreciate your read of this. K< !signature--> 'Writing sharpens life; life enriches writing' Sylvia Plath [This message has been edited by Severn (edited 03-13-2000).] |
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