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Open Poetry #6
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A ritual
| Open Poetry #6 |
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A ritual |
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jbowie Member
since 2000-02-18
Posts 135BANGOR (that OR) ME |
I wake with a view of grass my face imprinted with rooting lines red with pressure or frustration my wet clothes attest to rain soaking my sleep my pillow arms still fast asleep angrily numb a reward for a hard week reducing my post to ground level but I had fun before passing out fun seems a perception changing with age spinning the bottle then tipping it back before living inside A real man kisses his children goodnight |
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| © Copyright 2000 James Bowie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Your poetry and prose always make me think. But this is the first time I noticed your signature quote. What a wonderful sentiment! I truly like that. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Great poem! Funny isn't it, the things we humans sometimes do for fun? Denise |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
Loved this. So much said, so few words, just the right clues. Excellent. "fun seems a perception changing with age spinning the bottle then tipping it back before living inside" ...love the irony. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Excellent writing here....and the last sentence is worth a lot of weight. This is poetry. |
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jbowie Member
since 2000-02-18
Posts 135BANGOR (that OR) ME |
thank you all, but when I wrote this I did not think much of it as a whole. I thought the only strength lay within the last stnza. Is't that what you think as well? |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
Not at all. Granted, the last stanza is powerful and fulfills its role as denouement superbly, but it is just that ~ denouement. Its effect would be lost without the foundation that you've constructed with the previous stanzas. Strong images, good form, it all works, and very well.  Claire |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
outstanding reflections here! Corinne |
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christies heart Member
since 1999-08-10
Posts 189NJ, USA |
Great poem. sounds like you have really been there. |
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