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Corner Pub #2

Sweet Sadness

aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member

since 2001-09-20

Posts 1448
Universal Mind

0 posted 2001-12-28 11:30 PM

sweet sweet perfume sting
rough cloth smoothly against skin
love wine bitter sweet.

~Flower lasts so an hour, yet spring will brings her back to life again.
~Just when I thought it is too far away, opportunity knocks the door

Mother_Earth
Senior Member

since 2000-11-20

Posts 1370
1/2 year Texas & 1/2 year Michigan

1 posted 2001-12-29 01:05 AM

aries, two sides to everything, but are we smart enough to look past the first. You make me think. Enjoyed this, ME

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

2 posted 2001-12-29 06:39 PM

You turn words into magic. I love your way of looking at life. Joyce

wordancer
Senior Member

since 2000-07-30

Posts 809
VA

3 posted 2002-01-04 12:59 PM

yes...the hidden hook to the good side of things.

In that, this is a very short poem, you might want to consider not repeating words. Suggestion: Look for another way to convey the sweetness of perfume in the first line, keeping the 'bitter sweet' in the last.

-wordancer

[This message has been edited by wordancer (01-04-2002 01:00 PM).]

aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member

since 2001-09-20

Posts 1448
Universal Mind

4 posted 2002-01-04 03:38 PM

thanks worddancer. I will try to think of something.

Eliza Simmons
~Flower lasts so an hour, yet spring will brings her back to life again.

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