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Teen Poetry #4

Too late

TearsOfPearls
Member

since 1999-09-23

Posts 322
Vereeniging, South-Africa

0 posted 2001-03-07 02:28 PM

Whimper, whimper
cry, cry,
all you know
is a lie.

Whimper, whimper,
sigh, sigh,
now it's time
to say goodbye.

Whimper, whimper,
die, die,
no more time
to maybe buy

Planning big can be a gamble...I have already rolled the dice!

Tears of Glass
Member

since 2000-12-04

Posts 182
Physically? VA.... Mentally? I'm not quite sure

1 posted 2001-03-07 02:57 PM

Interesting style. I liked it a lot! Very well done.

*Jennifer

"My nightmare isn't fearing what I dream... It's waking up, knowing what I'll see."

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-03-07 03:56 PM

I liked it. Very dif from what I'm used to seeing by you. Great change in style.
hope to see more.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

3 posted 2001-03-07 07:03 PM

VERY interesting format. The stanzas alone are well, but I feel that the ending was not quite powerful enough.
The second stanza and third stanza should be reversed, in my opinion. Or a fourth should be added.
Still, this poem was great. The style was interesting and flowed very nicely.
Great job.
~Allan

Stupidity makes the world go around...and people like us laugh. ~~Elizabeth, to Allan

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