Cold and alone - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

0 posted 2002-08-09 02:04 PM

I posted this yesterday in Dark, then chickened out, erased it, and posted a bunch of reposts instead.

Here it is again. Might as well be honest, huh?

I only felt like this until I wrote the poem, then I felt measurably better.

Two interesting facts before reading this:

1) A pulsar is a dead neutron star that continues to spin, emitting X-rays with each spin.

2) Stellar endpoint = death of a star.

Mike

Cold and alone
Pulsar turns away in mid-drift,
winking back its cold gray eye.
No diamond speck in twilight's haze.
Distance is a negative heat.
X-ray among atmosphere.
Do you see me in my chair?
I'm writing again. I'm sipping some heat.
Stellar endpoint, small and neat.

PoeticGoddessOfDepression
Member

since 2002-07-02

Posts 439
I am everywhere

1 posted 2002-08-09 02:14 PM

I think I've read this already...
Anyway, it's still wonderful.

Guess you didn't chicken out fast enough.

Sara

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

2 posted 2002-08-09 02:16 PM

Thanks, Sara. I remember your reply. Thanks for taking the time to read it again.

Mike

beccymelling
Junior Member

since 2002-08-09

Posts 31
Birmingham, England

3 posted 2002-08-09 02:26 PM

Cold and alone
Pulsar turns away in mid-drift,
winking back its cold gray eye.
No diamond speck in twilight's haze.
Distance is a negative heat.
X-ray among atmosphere.
Do you see me in my chair?
I'm writing again. I'm sipping some heat.
Stellar endpoint, small and neat.

Hi.
I really loved the imagery of this piece, the personification of stars "winking back its cold gray eye." - fantastic line.

Whilst i appreciate the strengths of the comparisons you make between the cold / heat, the only issue I really have with this poem is the repetition of heat, it works well in each instance, but both in such a small space (no pun intended) jars a little with my reading.

Well written, beautiful imagery....what else can I say?

Beccy

WhileIWasGone
Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 486

4 posted 2002-08-09 02:26 PM

bsquirrel....This is absolutely great...I'm happy you decided to post it.

Pulsar turns away in mid-drift,
winking back its cold gray eye.
No diamond speck in twilight's haze.

WOW I'm in awe...I wish I had written this...

DeaDiAmore

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

5 posted 2002-08-09 02:36 PM

Hi, Beccy. Thanks for your opinion. When I first started posting to PIP, which was about 10 years after I started writing poetry, I used to try and use a different word each and every time, so you wouldn't get repetitions of words like "heat." But now, I've eased up and let it slide every now and again.

I can see why that might cause some problems in the same-word filter.

But I also wrote "negative heat" and "heat." So really, negative heat is sort of the cold continuing, or a heat so small, you can't even feel it. While "heat" was simply me drinking some tea, to bring some warmth to my body.

Not that that makes this a very good poem.

But it's honest.

DDA, thanks! You're too kind to me.

Mike

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

6 posted 2002-08-09 11:32 PM

The "wink" in this is very apt as you know.
The Pulsar appears as a giant lighthouse beacon.

Nice write Squirrel dude.

~wranx

The shortest distance between two points...
is sometimes, intolerable.

Bukowski

paper doll
Member

since 2002-08-04

Posts 133
Floating on Uncertainty

7 posted 2002-08-10 10:23 PM

Ahh very nicely written. For a long time I've been searching for someone that can bring such a simple facet of the world to life. You've done it very well. Couldn't pick out a favourite line - they all run together so well.

Thanks for the read.

~M

Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality.

Moon Dust

Member Elite

since 1999-06-11

Posts 2177
Skelmersdale, UK

8 posted 2002-08-11 06:55 PM

klew didnt read it he first time. its very interesting tho.

If your afraid of the dark, then why did you come?

devina
Member Elite

since 1999-10-28

Posts 3539
Cali

9 posted 2002-08-11 09:40 PM

*our honest moderator* ~sighs~

haven't I told you before- not to hesitate!!! This is beautiful!!!

and I'd like to be sippin some COLD air right about now...mighty hot up here, 'magine you're getting some of this Cali sun too...

I hate summer now fall- shall be excitin...

Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

10 posted 2002-08-12 03:22 PM

Thanks for readin'.

And yes, it's hot.

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

11 posted 2002-08-12 06:45 PM

I'm glad you reposted this, with all its innuendo its a stunning piece.
Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

12 posted 2002-08-14 12:59 PM

Thanks, Kethry.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.