love, devine, the one - pipTalk Forums

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little_krazy_poet
Junior Member

since 2001-05-28

Posts 41

0 posted 2001-07-01 02:00 AM

i serch for
the one
thas all i wnat
and then i'm done

i'm going to do this
my hole life
no matter how i try
my mind can't end this strife

she wanks around
in my mind
but she i'll
never find

so with this thought
flotting around
i guess it wouldn't be good
to look at the ground

WRITE WHAT YOU FEEL!! AND DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU TO DO OTHERWISE

WHEN YOU LIVE, YOU DIE
WHEN YOU DIE, YOUR FORGOTTEN
AND WHEN YOUR FORGOTTEN

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

1 posted 2001-07-01 12:52 PM

I liked this one,Matt.
The big thing wrong I saw with it was spelling. Easily fixed though. Other than that I liked.
Keep posting.

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

2 posted 2001-07-01 04:32 PM

Yes, the spelling was off in some places, but the thing I noticed was the flow. It seems you had a hard time keeping the rhyme and meter of the poem at the same time. I would just try to even it out just a little bit. The poem is great other than that!

*Amanda*
I need more time to find the real me...
to fly like the birds... to be set free.

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-07-01 05:24 PM

great job!

...i enjoyed the read..bye

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

4 posted 2001-07-01 11:09 PM

This is a pretty good poem, Matt. It may feel like you'll never find "the one" but be patient, and your time will come

Nice work. Stay strong, and good luck.

--Marie

You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

5 posted 2001-07-03 09:23 AM

Besides some misspellings, the poem itself was really good. I believe you should keep your head up and not look down to the ground. You'll find her one day

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2001-07-03 08:04 PM

Well done here. I really liked this poem.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

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