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DarkAngelOfTheStars
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 255

0 posted 2002-04-20 01:24 PM

Dark clouds disguise the sky
Threatening to break with rain
But never do
I stand here
As people pass me by
Smiling because thats all I can do to keep from crying
I wonder if people see I’m about to break
B
        R
                 e
                        a
                    K
Like the clouds just did
I let the rain consume me
Where do I go from here?
You left me living
When all I wanted was death

Don't make me get my flying monkeys :P

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

1 posted 2002-04-20 02:04 PM

woah. talk about strong emotions. This is just dripping with feeling. I loved your imagery and the format of this. It flowed well. I loved it as a whole, but the last two lines were just powerful. Very nice write. Keep em coming.
.:tiff:.

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

I know Im not perfect but I can smile
& I hope that you c this heart behind my tired eyes

CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA

2 posted 2002-04-20 11:22 PM

Wow. This one has a lot of emotion in it. Very powerful. I agree, the ending totally made the poem... I know how ya feel, I've been there too many times myself. Good write.

      - Cody -

Note To Self:  If Pigs Can Fly, So Can I!!!

If someboy laughs at me, does that make me funny or just plain stupid?

dastard
Member

since 2001-07-14

Posts 55
in tearing silence

3 posted 2002-04-21 06:48 AM

this was very strong indeed.. I kinda know what it feels like to be there.. hope you're somewhat okay

I really like this one

"Pain doesn't hurt when it's all you've ever felt" ~Marie, the girl of a thousand truths

Alicia
Member

since 2002-03-22

Posts 279

4 posted 2002-04-21 12:55 PM

~Cold, hard truth spoken,...what and how you've written, brings the feeling, the images, right out to this reader. Be well. *Peace.

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

5 posted 2002-04-22 10:35 AM

Hi Jenna

Did you ever get my letter?

What a powerful poem.

"dripping with feeling" is a good way to describe it. I like the picture you paint with the clouds 'breaking' and the rain pouring. The last two lines were really powerful, but I really liked the 'b-r-e-a-k' bit. Normally I just read it and move on (when it's formatted that way) but it stood out to me. Who was the "You"? Well, I must go. Email again when you get the chance. I need some backup in the fight against the evil smileys. *nods*

Sincerely,
Titus

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convinience, but where he stands at times of challange and controversy.

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

6 posted 2002-04-22 11:20 AM

"Where do I go from here?
You left me living
When all I wanted was death"

I completely understand that part of the poem. It really hit home. This was a very strong piece that had a lot of emotion and feeling in it. Im not shur where you go from here...i dont know where i went when i was in the same situation..but i do hope you find your way

iTs bEeN 1 Of ThOsE dAyZ 4 2 MaNY dAyZ nOw..I jUst NeEd a DaY whErE tHe WOrLd cAn tAkE cArE of ItsElf..

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