It has to do with drinking at a young age

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confusedwriter03
New Member

since 2003-06-29

Posts 9
U-S-A! haha

0 posted 2003-07-30 04:17 AM

When you made that decision every sense of judgement left your mind. all just because that one guy seemed so *kind.* when really we all know what he was after. But you were just to blind. why would you risk throwing your life away. all because that guy had something *sweet* to say. i thought you were stronger than that. and be able to just say NO WAY! i just hope this makes you think. what happens in a matter of seconds right after you blink. you put you and your body in danger. all because you had one drink.

tell me your thoughts! you know i love all of you strangers! haha ok later.

~*~Krista~*~
~*~Im always confused about life~*~

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

1 posted 2003-07-30 11:11 AM

Well, I can definetely relate to this, but I think it might be better if you put it into a more "poetic" form, ya know like with line breaks and stuff. That's just mu opinion, but I didn't even realize that it was the poem I was reading until almost the end. I thought it was like a note of some sort about the poem. Anyway, I really do understand this piece. Thanks for the read.

-Jen

"One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it's expressed in the choices on makes." -Eleanor Roosevelt

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

2 posted 2003-07-30 11:54 AM

i agree with the above, lines breaks would help. but i can normally write in just a paragraph and then break it down, its all the same.

quote:
When you made that decision
every sense of judgement left your mind.
all just because that one guy

seemed all so *kind.*
when really we all know
what he was after.
But you were just to blind.

why would you risk throwing your
life away. all because that guy
had something *sweet* to say.
i thought you were stronger than that.
and be able to just say NO WAY!
i just hope this makes you think.

what happens in a matter of seconds
right after you blink.
you put you and your body in danger.
all because you had one drink.

the rhyming was a bit off, but otherwise nice work. i hope you don't mind me breaking it down.....

riley leanne!

*the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time*

[This message has been edited by Riley (07-30-2003 11:54 AM).]

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

3 posted 2003-07-30 04:03 PM

....

~*BayBee*~
Member

since 2003-04-09

Posts 65
In The Clouds...

4 posted 2003-08-01 11:10 PM

I can definatly relate to this,.. Nicely done...
~*BayBee*~

lingering thoughts
Member

since 2003-05-03

Posts 70
Illinois, USA

5 posted 2003-08-02 10:09 PM

good poem

making the poem break into stanzas and putting it more into poetic form would make it easier to read and look much better tho *
CaSSandra*

Match
Member

since 2002-07-01

Posts 286
Canada Edmonton

6 posted 2003-08-02 11:06 PM

I relate aswell, If only we could all go back in time, I think you should sepretate the lines and make them more structered and not so paragraphy. lol, ok well enjoyed
-ash

I wear my crown of thorns
on my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
-Johnny Cash ( Music & Lyrics:
Trent Reznor)

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