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navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #28 » Tension
Open Poetry #28
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eminor_angel
Member
since 2003-05-22
Posts 323
Canada
0 posted 2003-08-22 03:50 PM

thread plucked with
two fingers and held
taut like patience stretched
too close and never
allowed to scream

rotting inside I
try to breathe
strangled by the outside
pollen and dust and
such that I never
allowed to dream.
© Copyright 2003 eminor_angel - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
1 posted 2003-08-22 06:46 PM


A tight pull, Eminor...one small tweak...perhaps add "am" in this line
"such that I never"

and I think you will have it!
Kielo
Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109
2 posted 2003-08-23 06:23 PM

*deep breath* Wow.... this is awesome. Absolutely amazing. You should have seen my jaw drop the first time I read it.

Kielo
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navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #28 » Tension

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