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navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #4 » This is!
Dark Poetry #4
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rockbabe
Member
since 2006-01-29
Posts 105
0 posted 2006-02-17 07:36 AM

The wind through our hair,
as we drive on his Harley.

Being awoken with a kiss
and one rose in hand.

One phone call...
Tears falling down my face,

Being taken from me,
Heart disolving with every beat

Hardend by pain of everday life!!
© Copyright 2006 rockbabe - All Rights Reserved
deadkiss
Junior Member
since 2006-02-11
Posts 31
washington
1 posted 2006-02-25 01:39 AM

i think the last line could use some work. it seems to lose the flow of the poem. perhaps "hardened by the pain, that comes with everyday" or something not sure.
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navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #4 » This is!

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