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navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #4 » Splitsville
Dark Poetry #4
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Yoinn
Senior Member
since 2007-08-16
Posts 649
Michigan
0 posted 2007-12-15 03:47 PM

Splitsville

I turned my head
I sipped my wine
I hoped that
I would be ok.

She just got up
and left, with
her dinner
sitting there with me
and her ring
hypnotizing me
with it’s spin.

Yoin
© Copyright 2007 Tim W. - All Rights Reserved
Allogenes
Junior Member
since 2008-01-16
Posts 35
1 posted 2008-01-16 02:19 AM

    You paint a strikingly vivid picture of domestic upheaval and discontent.   The poem simply bristles with the nervous energy of contention; I could see the ring spinning lifelessly on the cold table, 'hypnotizing' - Brilliant.
Yoinn
Senior Member
since 2007-08-16
Posts 649
Michigan
2 posted 2008-01-20 12:20 PM

Thank you for your kind words Allogenes...glad you liked it.

Yoin
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navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #4 » Splitsville

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