Low.. - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

sunshinemc
Junior Member

since 2003-09-20

Posts 27

0 posted 2003-10-01 11:57 PM

No positve outlook
no tomarrow
no i love you
only sorrow
no reason why
or notice in advance
you moved right on
leavin me with a broken chance
Rememberin yesterday
endless love
Remembering you
sent from above
Lookin in the mirror
eyes filled with tears
happiness is gone
escaped with 2 empty years
Thinking of your touch
so simply satisfied
thinking of our past
filled with lies
Hoping that a smile
will soon reach my face
hoping that these feelings
are easily erased
Sending out a plea
puttin on a show
my body feels so empty
my spirits, so low

Silent Evincar
Member

since 2003-07-22

Posts 179
Here There and Places Between

1 posted 2003-10-02 02:40 AM

Someone in a meadow with slowly dying grass all around them. The daisys hold no color and the roses no longer bloom. It flowed smoothly, but I think you should up the emotion. With emotion comes intensity. Good job.

NJS

shara
Member

since 2002-05-21

Posts 69
florida/USA

2 posted 2003-10-02 08:31 PM

ths was awesome, it really touched my heart,
i especially loved the last four lines:
"sending out a plea
puttin on a show
my body feels so empty
my spirits, so low

i really don't know what else to say other than thanx for the great read, keep em' coming' belessed. much love

      ~sha-sha

shara
Member

since 2002-05-21

Posts 69
florida/USA

3 posted 2003-10-02 08:32 PM

ths was awesome, it really touched my heart,
i especially loved the last four lines:
"sending out a plea
puttin on a show
my body feels so empty
my spirits, so low"

i really don't know what else to say other than thanx for the great read, keep em' coming' be blessed. much love

      ~sha-sha

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

4 posted 2003-10-03 12:51 PM

good write. very nice.

Honey
Member

since 2001-10-09

Posts 92
Hot girl From Canada

5 posted 2003-10-03 05:06 PM

beatiful write i started to tear a bit.

It Feels As If I've Always Been Someone On The Outside Looking In.

He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest!!

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.