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navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #35 » A Senryu
Open Poetry #35
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Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056
Kansas USA
0 posted 2005-02-28 11:47 PM


I forgive myself
In spite of those who would say
I have no conscience.
© Copyright 2005 Louise Ryan - All Rights Reserved
Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688
Waukegan
1 posted 2005-03-01 12:40 PM


Now this is more in keeping
with a senryu as generally
understood.  Good.

Reminds me of:

My heart
is like a ship upon the seas—
I am easily moved—
Scolding will not improve me


Anonymous Japanese,
Kokinshu  508


John
Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056
Kansas USA
2 posted 2005-03-01 01:27 AM

Thanks for your comments, John.  I liked your example.  It has a more gentle tone.

Experiencing
Repentance and Forgiveness,
I have changed my ways.

I cannot allow
Others to be my conscience.
I know right from wrong.

And so it goes--

John, there is far more comfort in the verse that you quoted.  Room for thought.

Thanks!
Shenachie
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
3 posted 2005-03-01 06:35 AM


Keep that mood rolling, Bridget,
and you'll soon be posting
more than you thought
you would.
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
4 posted 2005-03-01 09:00 AM


Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989
5 posted 2005-03-01 11:53 AM

Nicely done Bridget.  Hope to see more posted from you soon.  Hugs.
LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296
6 posted 2005-03-01 12:01 PM

wonderfully done
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095
7 posted 2005-03-01 03:23 PM

Love it!

and i knew in the crystalline knowledge of you
~Buckingham/Nicks
miscellanea
Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060
OH
8 posted 2005-03-01 03:46 PM

liked this! More!  More!

~ miscellanea
Nightshade
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962
just out of reach
9 posted 2005-03-01 04:27 PM

~awesome~

hugs, Chris

Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes... just be an illusion.
~ Javan
Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056
Kansas USA
10 posted 2005-03-01 06:37 PM

Thanks for all the comments above.  It does make it easier to forgive myself for not writing more.

Shenachie
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