Man On a Cross (limerick challenge)

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Trillium

Member Patricius

since 2001-03-09

Posts 12098
Idaho, USA

0 posted 2001-04-01 01:12 AM

Just as He was placed on the cross
And so many felt the great loss,
Some soldiers who came,
To their lasting shame,
They wagered His clothes with a toss!

Betty Lou Hebert

Stephanos

Member Elite

since 2000-07-31

Posts 3618
Statesboro, GA, USA

1 posted 2001-04-01 05:25 AM

Very good. Maybe we should start a collection (anthology) of limericks about the cross.

We could call it "Limericks of the Cross", understanding that we are approaching the subject with awe and meaning no blasphemy whatsoever.

Just an idea.

Stephen.

2dalimit
Member Elite

since 2000-02-08

Posts 2228
Mississippi coast

2 posted 2001-04-01 08:01 AM

Good poem. Good idea.
Melton

ellie LeJeune
Member Elite

since 2000-01-10

Posts 4156
King of Prussia, PA USA

3 posted 2001-04-01 09:38 AM

wonderful idea...and this one is awesome..

A friend hears the song in my heart, and sings it to me when my memory fails.

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

4 posted 2001-04-01 12:08 PM

Very nice Betty. I'm going to have to get ready for church, not time for a thinking cap. Joyce

Trillium

Member Patricius

since 2001-03-09

Posts 12098
Idaho, USA

5 posted 2001-04-01 02:37 PM

Stephen: Thanks and your idea has merit. Have you passed it by WhtDove yet? Since she moderates this site, along with a couple of others, I thought it might be appropriate.
What do you think?

Betty Lou Hebert

Trillium

Member Patricius

since 2001-03-09

Posts 12098
Idaho, USA

6 posted 2001-04-01 02:38 PM

Melton, ellie and Joyce: Thank's all for commenting.

Betty Lou Hebert

sandgrain
Member Elite

since 1999-09-21

Posts 3662
Sycamore, IL, USA

7 posted 2001-04-01 04:45 PM

Something BIG began with the limerics of the cross. I like everyone I'v e read so far. You're so swift responding to challenges and do such a grand job, seems you'd spend weeks composing. Rae

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

8 posted 2001-04-01 05:18 PM

Fantastic!!!! I think you'll find, though, that if you remove 'the' from line 2 that the syllable count will be exact to the form and have no affect on the message.

Trillium

Member Patricius

since 2001-03-09

Posts 12098
Idaho, USA

9 posted 2001-04-01 10:31 PM

sandgrain and VAS: Thank you both for your comments and critique. I appreciate what you say. I have written so few limericks that I am pleased with the response.

Betty Lou Hebert

Stephanos

Member Elite

since 2000-07-31

Posts 3618
Statesboro, GA, USA

10 posted 2001-04-01 11:40 PM

While forms such as Haiku depend mostly  on syllable count, the Limerick is a bit different.  It is the anapestic rhythm that makes the Limerick so very... well, limerick!

What is an Anapest? -a three syllable accentual foot with two unstressed syllables quickly followed by one stressed syllable.
ie...da da DUM / da da DUM

(with a SKIP / and a HOP / will the AN /a pest TROT)

So the Limerick basically is a five line poem, with lines one and two having 3 anapests and end-rhymes, lines three and four having 2 anapests and end-rhymes, and line five having (again) 3 anapests and rhyming with the first two lines.

Of course this is not a totally strict pattern, for Iambs (having one unstressed and one stressed syllable- da DUM) can be used in place of anapests sparingly.  But if you do that too much, the limerick loses that skippety, hoppety feel and won't sound like a limerick, but just iambic verse with similar stresses and end-rhymes.

Continue with practice and sweat,
Never mind that they're not perfect yet,
For the limerick is kind
and most people won't mind.
And this art you will master I'll bet!

PS... your last three lines were perfect for a limerick, while the first two may need just a little tweaking to get the rhythm right.

Stephen.

[This message has been edited by Stephanos (edited 04-01-2001).]

Trillium

Member Patricius

since 2001-03-09

Posts 12098
Idaho, USA

11 posted 2001-04-02 01:45 PM

Dear Stephen: Thank you for your explanation of what constitutes a good limerick. I'll keep it in mind for the future. As you can tell, this is a new form of writing for me and I appreciate your help.

Betty Lou Hebert

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

12 posted 2001-04-02 08:29 PM

Stephen's a great guy, ain't he?

We could all learn from him.
As for your limerick, Trillium, I thought it was very sweet. But keep in mind the things Stephanos mentioned.
~Allan

The sun was born, so it shall die. ~VNV Nation, "Further"

Trillium

Member Patricius

since 2001-03-09

Posts 12098
Idaho, USA

13 posted 2001-04-03 12:11 PM

Allan: Thanks for commenting.

Betty Lou Hebert

WhtDove
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-07-22

Posts 9245
Illinois

14 posted 2001-04-03 09:15 AM

I think you did a great job Betty!
They're not that simple to do.

Trillium

Member Patricius

since 2001-03-09

Posts 12098
Idaho, USA

15 posted 2001-04-03 04:37 PM

WhtDove: Thanks for your kind remark.

Betty Lou Hebert

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